I Just Maybe A Pharisee

A few weeks ago our Sunday sermon was about being authentic.  It hit home with me.  I’m just going to be real with you here.  I tend to fall on the side of the religious Pharisee.  I like the rules.  Now, true that doesn’t always mean I follow them or I may get to the same end result my own way, but I like to know what they are.  And when I hit those goals/rules you can bet everyone around me knows just how great I am.  I want to “make it” on my own.  I want to believe that I don’t need help and can do it all on my own.

Here’s how it goes.  I think I’m doing great.  I’ve got this thing down.  Oh, I try to be humble about it, but it’s so hard to be humble when you’re perfect and everyone else is so jacked up.  *Note the sarcasm here.*  Praise the Lord he then gives me a good dose of reality!  It can be a sermon to remind me to check myself or sometimes it’s just life.  Yahweh is so good to me!  He loves me enough to show me that I cannot keep all the rules on my own.  He reminds me that I NEED his one and only son.  He reminds me that this life isn’t meant to be lived alone, but with other believers.  I don’t have it all together and I never will!

So, this post was originally going to be about our family eating nothing but crappy foods lately and how to get back to eating better.  How does that have anything to do with what I just wrote and how did it change?  My best guess is that eating whole foods is an idealist Pharisee thing for me.  I give myself such a hard time and feel like a complete failure as a mother because we’ve had frozen pizzas and donuts.  I hate to admit it, but I look at and treat mamas who feed their families organic/whole foods differently than I do those who don’t.  James 2 talks about showing partiality and how it is a sin.  Ouch!

Now, I definitely want to feed our family more healthfully, but I do not want to become legalistic with it.  There has to be a balance.  I need to get back into the swing of making meal plans, eating good wholesome foods, and yet give myself mercy to say, “Let’s get a pizza.”  How about you?  What do you tend to be a Pharisee about?

Advertisements

Updates

So, it’s been about a month since I last posted.  There’s been some amazing break through and changes since then!  The week after I posted I had a horrible week.  My sugar cravings came in something fierce and I caved to them.  Possibly because of that I had 4 or 5 days where I was in so much pain physically I stayed in bed or on the couch as much as possible.  I had a migraine for 3 of those days as well.  After this experience I decided to try a nutrition supplement my friend Marri had been encouraging me to try.

I am so grateful that the LORD placed it on Marri’s heart to share Plexus with me, but I wish it I would have begun taking it back when she first mentioned it to me months ago!  I have been taking it for 3 weeks tomorrow.  It has been helping me tremendously.  I’m not 100%, but I don’t expect that anytime soon.  It took me years to get to this point and it won’t and shouldn’t take only a few weeks to get back.  If you recall back in April I spoke about all the problems I’ve been having and how I was on the hunt for change.  Here’s the list I made up then with some updates in red:

  • I have suffered from depression and anxiety for the past few years, but this year has been the worst.  I have been on an as needed medication for anxiety since Sam was born in March 2015.  The past few months things have gotten worse.  I have had anxiety attacks multiple times a week.  I have not had an anxiety attack since I began the supplement!!  That, my friends, is HUGE.  We’ve had a lot of busy days and issues that would have caused me to have one in the past.  Seriously, this past Monday I blew a tire, couldn’t get it changed, called Scott (who had to borrow a coworker’s car to get to me), had to buy new tires because the steel wall was showing on BOTH front tires, and our van’s break line broke!
  • I have no energy and sleep all the time.  I have had multiple times a week where I go to sleep at 7 or 8 pm and don’t wake up until 8 am or later if it’s a weekend AND still take a nap with Sam.  I can make it until 9 pm now and I don’t take naps most days!  I have had a few days where I’ve taken naps, but it is no longer a required daily occurrence.  I also feel refreshed in the mornings now and not dragging.
  • Then on the opposite end of that I will have horrible insomnia some nights and not go to bed until 3 or 4 am, if at all.  I haven’t had problems with this for the past 2 weeks.  I’ve been making it a point to just go to bed by 10ish.  One thing I have noticed is it’s not taking me as long to fall asleep, which is really nice.
  • I have been forgetting things.  I’m not talking, “Where are my keys?” forgetful.  I would be in a conversation and completely forget a simple word multiple times a day!  I haven’t noticed a change in this yet.  I’m still really forgetful. 
  • I have pain in my muscles and joints, so bad that I have been taking ibuprofen multiple times a week.  Are you ready for this?!?  I HAVEN’T TAKEN PAIN MEDICATION FOR MY JOINTS SINCE MONDAY THE 9TH!!!  It isn’t completely gone, but it is bearable now.  One thing I noticed is I’m now walking up and down the stairs like a normal person and not avoiding them.  Before I would take one step at a time with both feet instead of going from one to the next. 
  • My skin has been doing weird things like crazy painful acne and dark patches.  I haven’t noticed a change in this yet.
  • My ADHD symptoms have been worse than normal.  So much so I have considered going to get prescription medication for it, but I’m stubborn and hate taking it.  I haven’t noticed huge changes in this.  It is better in that I feel like I can focus a bit easier though.
  • I have migraines once or twice a month.  I haven’t had one in over 2 weeks!  WOOHOO!!

So all that to say I’m really excited to continue this journey and see where it takes me!  Your prayers would be appreciated because we have some big changes happening in our lives soon.  Right now we’re not “announcing” them, but I’ll let you know about those changes as they happen.  Thanks for following my journey, everyone!  Please comment and let me know how you’re doing.  Are there natural things that have helped you with the up above problems you’d like to share with me?  I’m all ears!  Until next time, friends.

Here’s To The Journey

20160326_103347The lovely Marri and I at the beach last month.  It’s not fair that she looks this good at 32 weeks pregnant!

Yesterday I was speaking to my good friend Marri about making changes for our health.  She had asked how things are going with me.  Then, we got to talking about how when we’re pregnant and need to make changes for the health of our babies it has come so much easier to us.  An example, when I was pregnant with Sam I was told I was on the cusp of gestational diabetes.  Because of that I seriously gave up everything that had sugar.  When that didn’t help as much as we wanted to see I gave up all pastas and other high glycemic foods.  It came so much easier to me then.  Why?  Was it the idea of  this little being that was completely dependent upon me making good choices for his health sake?  I think so.  It was all about that baby boy.  Why can’t I do that now though?  I still have these amazing little loves depending upon me for their life and making good choices for OUR health.  I just wish I could get that in my brain.  If any of you have the secret to doing so could you help a sista out and spill the beans?

I do feel like I’m making a little progress in the sugar arena.  I used to drink sodas often, coffee with creamer multiple times a day, desserts almost daily, and a lot of white breads and pastas.  So far this week I have eaten mostly whole grains and WAY less sugar.  I did have ice cream twice with the family, but I refuse to limit treats like that to never.  After having celiac and being on such a strict diet for that, and then the LORD healing us I will not do a strict diet, unless medically necessary.  Moderation is my friend.  I also want to do something that I can keep long term and no sugar ever isn’t that.

My ADHD has been a bit worse.  I’m thinking that is probably partly due to the fact that I have been doing horribly at getting to bed at a decent time and I’ve been waking up before 7 a.m. everyday.  I know some of you are like, “Ha!  I wish!”  But for this homeschooling mama that is early.  We are night owls in this family and don’t typically wake up until 8:30 or even 9 a.m. if we don’t have somewhere to be that day.  It’s one of the many perks of homeschooling.  (If you are interested in homeschooling or need a community/support system as a homeschooling parent send me a message and let’s talk!)  I have noticed that when I get more sleep everything else seems to go better.  I have to make this a priority.

And then there’s the fact that maybe I need to be giving myself grace here in this change.  It took me years to dig this hole I’m in, and it may very well take years to build the ladder to climb out.  I don’t like to think about that.  I want to do something tonight and feel my best tomorrow morning.  I don’t want to think about the mistakes I’ll make along this journey.  But you know what?  In the journey I will gain wisdom and grow closer to the LORD.  That is worth it in the end.  In the wise words of Dory, “Just keep swimming.  Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”  Here’s to the journey!

20160411_153302

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1: 2-4

 

 

Change Needs To Happen

Many of you don’t know this because, let’s be real, I hide it from most people.  I don’t like to be looked at as weak.  I like to be the strong one.  But all that being said I’m coming clean.

  • I have suffered from depression and anxiety for the past few years, but this year has been the worst.  I have been on an as needed medication for anxiety since Sam was born in March 2015.  The past few months things have gotten worse.  I have had anxiety attacks multiple times a week.
  • I have no energy and sleep all the time.  I have had multiple times a week where I go to sleep at 7 or 8 pm and don’t wake up until 8 am or later if it’s a weekend AND still take a nap with Sam.
  • Then on the opposite end of that I will have horrible insomnia some nights and not go to bed until 3 or 4 am, if at all.
  • I have been forgetting things.  I’m not talking, “Where are my keys?” forgetful.  I would be in a conversation and completely forget a simple word multiple times a day!
  • I have pain in my muscles and joints, so bad that I have been taking ibuprofen multiple times a week.
  • My skin has been doing weird things like crazy painful acne and dark patches.
  • My ADHD symptoms have been worse than normal.  So much so I have considered going to get prescription medication for it, but I’m stubborn and hate taking it.
  • I have migraines once or twice a month.

Right about now you are probably asking, “Why is she telling me all this?”  Well, surely I cannot be the only one suffering from these problems and I’m beginning the journey to be healthy again.  I want to document it and maybe some of the changes I’m making will help someone else too.  It has been hard, but the Lord has grown me so much in this time and pulled me near to Him.  He has show me grace and love.  He has shown me that it is okay to grieve and miss RHC and our family there.  He has reminded me that He has a plan for our lives and His plan is perfect!  I want others to have that same hope too.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

Here are a few changes I have made since it was brought to my attention that I probably had adrenal fatigue.

*Cut back on responsibilities.  I set time limits on these because I know myself, and I know I need a goal date or I’ll get back into things too early.

*No more coffee on a regular basis.  This has been the hardest thing!  I used to drink it all day long.  Seriously, I should have been a Gilmore.

*Reading my Bible more.

*Using essential oils.

 

Since making these changes I have had some good results.  I still have problems with insomnia and going to bed early, but it’s better.  I don’t typically have to take a nap during the day and I can make it until 9 or 10 pm now!  And my anxiety has lessened.  The next change I want to make is another dietary change, cutting back on sugar.